How to Care for Your Parents With Compassion

It is no surprise that many of us are caring for our children or grandchildren and our parents simultaneously. This is often quite a complicated situation to be in, and there is no instruction manual. 

I have had the honor of caring for my elderly parents who are now deceased, and now I am witnessing my husband and his three siblings going through the same process.  

I am sympathetic to both parties: the parents who desperately want their independence and the children who are worried sick. Here are some guidelines to help smooth over the speed bumps along the way to a happy and safe compromise for all parties.

1. All parties have valid concerns and opinions.
2. The parents should consider their safety and wellbeing first and foremost. Asking for help is not a bad thing; rather, asking for help is important at all ages and shows strength, mental clarity and good judgment, not weakness. 
3. The children, who are worried, may think they see the big picture more clearly than the parents. I noticed that as my parents aged their world became much smaller. The children may feel like they are moving in slow motion, but it is important to deal with one concern at a time. If walking and taking care of one’s basic needs is the issue, then temporarily hold off discussing the driving issue.
4. Most of all be caring and loving when having family discussions. Try an exercise in roll reversal to be more sensitive to the other person’s view. A good compromise might enable both parties to feel like winners.

Again, it was an honor to be able to help take care of my parents when they needed me. It was an important time in their life. Although their bodies were weak, they had the same desires and needs as I did. Their fight for independence was a critical factor that really kept them going. Be patient and calm; take a time-out for yourself as often as possible to clear your head and replenish your energy. Our parents need us and often find it hard to acknowledge. Remember, we may be in the same position some day, and it is good to think about how we want it to play out for ourselves. Shower them with love and hopefully they will allow you to help in a way that makes you both feel happy and safe.


To your good health,

Laurie